Salman, Salman Bakchodia.. naam toh suna hi hoga.. kya baat kar rahein ho janaab, sallu bhai ka naam nahi suna..agar nahi suna toh aap ko jeene ka koi haq nahi hai..
DoB: 29th Dec, 1989 .. the day when Maine Pyar Kiya released.. the star of Sallu Bhai started shining and my ship started its voyage following the star Salman..
Reason behind first name: If you are still unable to guess the reason behind the name then Aap C******* Hai..Aur agar aapko C******* samjh mei nahi aa raha hai toh aap sahi mei C******* hai... I am the conqueror, I am the protector, I am SALMAN BAKCHODIA...
The connection with Salman Khan
22nd Aug 1988: Biwi ho toh aisi got released. Also the date, when Amitabh Bakchodia tied knot with Rekha Ganesh ..Amitabh Bakchodia (AB) and Rekha are my parents..
(People thought that AB would never marry Rekha, but in 1988 that prophecy went wrong..Mayans, you are next)
Sanam Bewafa, 1991: I go my first crush in KG.. the girl's name was Manisha.. a year later she shifted to Hyderabad.. (Un)forutnately, I chanced to meet her last year in a flight, and turned out that she has undergone sex change operation and is now MANish...
khayalon me bhi ye nahi socha
ki wakif hai tere dard se hum
jisane kiya humko juda
milaya usne humko...
tune dil mera toda
kahi ka na choda
sanam bewafa wo sanam bewafa
Hum Aapke hai Kaun, 1994: My parents got divorced, and AB married Jaya.. I even have a step-brother, Abhishek..
Karan Arjun, 1995: I met my best buddy, chaddi-buddy buddy, doston ka dost buddy, Shahrukh Haqla...We are still the best of the best friends and the world envy our friendship! The bond is even stronger than fevicol ka jod.
Khamoshi, 1996: Shahrukh underwent speech therapy during summer.. i took a vow not to speak a word until he starts speaking like me - bold and confident...The results were outstanding for him..Shahrukh first time uttered K(kkk)iran wihout extra K's..But i believe those extra K's were transferred to Ekkkkta Kkkkapoor.. Kkkkkarma...
Judwa, 1997: Started believing that I have a dual personality, one that is uber cool and other one 'chompu' - just like me. I suffered from this disease for almost a year and realised my folly, when in 1998, my BF(Best Friend) Shahrukh also started believing the same and called his life "Duplicate".
Pyar Kiya toh Darna Kya, 1998: My first love, with my geography teacher .. It started when she kissed me once in front of the whole class !! Though not a french kiss but a little peck on my cheeks. ek chingari hi aag ka karan hoti hai..
Hum Dil de chuke Sanam, 1999: One late afternoon, I went to teacher's room and found my history teacher kissing geography teacher and my geography teacher exploring the geographies of my history teacher. No wonder, they were teachers of Social Studies! I was heart broken for the very first time in my life...
Umeedein Tumhin Se Thi Mere Sanam
Thaama Tha Tumhara Hi Ye Daaman Ho
Bhoolenge Kabhi Na Ab Tumhein
Hum Oh Bhoolenge Kabhi Na Ab Tumhein Hum
Oh Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam
Dhai Akshar prem ke, 2000: I first met my step-brother Abhishek.
Tere Naam, 2003: My third heartbreak.this time it was Aishu..that SonOfAPig Bibek stole Aishu from me...I tried calling Bibek to discuss the differences.. 40 baar sale ne call kata aur 41 baar usne phone uthaya aur maine baa behan kar di.. I texted and abused him ... sala, he went to prinicipal and launched a complaint against me..i was suspended from school for a month.. In my solitude, I find solace in the music of my friend Himi. It was me who encouraged Himi and gave rise to the nasal singing monster, which he is today..
No Entry, 2005: I gained entry into a so-called prestigious engineering college. Period.
Wanted (2009), Dabangg (2010), Ready(2011): Passed engineering in 2009, and started preparing for IPS. In 2010, gained entry into IPS. I realised that I am born for what my name means -The Protector and The Conqueror. In 2011, I am READY to join IPS after finishing the training.
Dhinka Chika Dhinka Chika
Dhinka Chika Dhinka Chika
Re ai ai...
1. My parrot picked up a chilli labelled with "No Recession". He is reincarnation of Paul the octopus, born on the day when Paul died. He correctly predicted the outcome of Kabaddi WC.
2. iPhone 5 is still not released. Who will buy it if there is a recession.
3. I invested in USD. My other investment includes a King George 5 Black Label. So you see, i am a perfect investor!
4. S&P stands for Shitty and Potty.
5. There is no Lehmann this time. So there are no villains. Moreover, Kalmadi and Raja are in India.
6. Disco Dancer is yet to be released. If there is recession, how will it be a superhit?
7. China is still the number 2. After stellar performance from UPA 2, India has been named "10 numbari".
8. India would still be unaffected, as the recession mostly affects white money. India only has black money!
9. Europe will recover all the debt by tourism industry. YRF has agreed to shoot all his future films in Greece.
10. Rajnikanth is still alive. Do i need to say more?
-
Rohit Gattani
chasmiss.blogspot.com
But things changed with this winter setting in. On 1st of December, I married Jahanvi. World Aids Day! I always made a point to wear red coloured badge on that day. But on one such day last year, Maneesh asked me what is the use of wearing that badge for me? To him it seemed that number 11 batsman Nehra fully padded and wearing a helmet and seating in pavilion, when India has not lost a single wicket in 49th over. But I was fully determined to change the situation. If uneducated filthy politician can run a state or country, then why cannot I can not even run a single girl!! I am very much like them – sort of uneducated and love for money before anything else. And on 1st December, 2010 I married Jahanvi.
A grand wedding, which Chennai never experienced. The whole Taj Chola was booked. Many of the gujju stars from kyunki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi came. All this courtesy to Siddhu Mama. Since, Siddhu Mama did not have any heir, he made a point that my marriage would be as grand as possible. Babuji was initially not convinced for this but gave away to demands of Siddhu Mama. You wont even believe that for my bachelors, he got foreign dancers from London. All the chefs were flown in from London from his hotels. It was the grandest affair you can imagine.
I won the challenge with Maneesh. I wonder Jahanvi would also have been the dream of ch88491 sourav in his college days. After all I have heard you cant find a real good looking female in engineering college!! I even sent my marriage card. I could even imagine that loser ch88491’s face.
And the first night!!
Awful!! Bloody ch88491 maneesh was successful. He hide 108 phones with alarm set at 3 min interval in each phone in my suite at Taj Chola. And when ever I was about to start, the phone started ringing. B3426c463 maneesh. And when I switched off the last phone, it was already morning and someone knocked at my door!!
Babuji died. The news which I received on the very next day of my most happiest day. Babuji died of asthama attack and no one was there with him at night at hotel room. Siddhu Mama broke into the room of Babuji with the help of hotel staffs.
It was 14th Feb, 0000 pm, 73 days since my marriage and I didn’t …………..WTF!!
It was the valentine’s day… I was in my bed and Jahanvi was also not around.To outside world I only had one window to communicate – the 0.facebook.Thanks airtel for that. I had a phone but that was only for incoming, as doctor advised me to remain isolated from the world to improve my health and I was devoid of any communication channel.And I never told this to Jahanvi. It was my single source of entertainment and to the world.I was going through valentine’s day status of my friends and was getting depressed more and more. That was the day, I thought..and valentine’s day is definitely a better day to start your career rather than world aids day. And I exactly know where it was, Maneesh’s gift. He told his gift is something “ jo deewana bana de.” And I exactly knew what it was. I searched and at the top of all gifts was kept the Dumas parcel. I never opened that parcel after that chance meeting with Jahanvi in bus. And what a foreplay it will make, if I also arrange things which Jahanvi likes on the bed. I tear opened the parcel, and there it was DUMAS……….
It was not some Alexander Dumas or something not even close to it. It was Drug Users manual about screwing – Screwing the life and screwing everything. It was issued by world drugs free world. A wrong parcel. But it was still DUMAS. And I opened the book. And chapter 5 opened - LSD.
And the first line which was written was – The song “lucy in the sky with diamonds” when abbreviated is LSD. It is generally believed that this song was written by The Beatles keeping in mind LSD as inspiration, just like yellow submarine refers to pot. Here it was the song which I always heard after drinking Sprite. And I read the chapter.
And the hallucinations symptoms were same as I experienced after consuming sprite. The LSDified sprite was the cause for my acidic thoughts, my hallucinations, the vibrancy of colors, and every thought coming from my mind at that time. I was being intoxicated by Sprite but who was behind it. I sank back in my bed. I opened the TV and Dabangg was being played. Another one of the things which me and Jahanvi discussed. And the scenne was the cause for dimple kapadia’s death was disclosed. She also suffered from asthama and was put to death by cheddi singh. Bapuji also suffered from asthama attack…………My heart sank low. But these things were so unconnected. May be it was just a bad dream. But may be it as true. I wanted to find the truth. Who could have drugged me?? I was only in contact with Jahanvi, and she can never do that. But if not her than who elso could!?
.....................to be continued
A grand wedding, which Chennai never experienced. The whole Taj Chola was booked. Many of the gujju stars from kyunki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi came. All this courtesy to Siddhu Mama. Since, Siddhu Mama did not have any heir, he made a point that my marriage would be as grand as possible. Babuji was initially not convinced for this but gave away to demands of Siddhu Mama. You wont even believe that for my bachelors, he got foreign dancers from London. All the chefs were flown in from London from his hotels. It was the grandest affair you can imagine.
I won the challenge with Maneesh. I wonder Jahanvi would also have been the dream of ch88491 sourav in his college days. After all I have heard you cant find a real good looking female in engineering college!! I even sent my marriage card. I could even imagine that loser ch88491’s face.
And the first night!!
Awful!! Bloody ch88491 maneesh was successful. He hide 108 phones with alarm set at 3 min interval in each phone in my suite at Taj Chola. And when ever I was about to start, the phone started ringing. B3426c463 maneesh. And when I switched off the last phone, it was already morning and someone knocked at my door!!
Babuji died. The news which I received on the very next day of my most happiest day. Babuji died of asthama attack and no one was there with him at night at hotel room. Siddhu Mama broke into the room of Babuji with the help of hotel staffs.
It was 14th Feb, 0000 pm, 73 days since my marriage and I didn’t …………..WTF!!
It was the valentine’s day… I was in my bed and Jahanvi was also not around.To outside world I only had one window to communicate – the 0.facebook.Thanks airtel for that. I had a phone but that was only for incoming, as doctor advised me to remain isolated from the world to improve my health and I was devoid of any communication channel.And I never told this to Jahanvi. It was my single source of entertainment and to the world.I was going through valentine’s day status of my friends and was getting depressed more and more. That was the day, I thought..and valentine’s day is definitely a better day to start your career rather than world aids day. And I exactly know where it was, Maneesh’s gift. He told his gift is something “ jo deewana bana de.” And I exactly knew what it was. I searched and at the top of all gifts was kept the Dumas parcel. I never opened that parcel after that chance meeting with Jahanvi in bus. And what a foreplay it will make, if I also arrange things which Jahanvi likes on the bed. I tear opened the parcel, and there it was DUMAS……….
It was not some Alexander Dumas or something not even close to it. It was Drug Users manual about screwing – Screwing the life and screwing everything. It was issued by world drugs free world. A wrong parcel. But it was still DUMAS. And I opened the book. And chapter 5 opened - LSD.
And the first line which was written was – The song “lucy in the sky with diamonds” when abbreviated is LSD. It is generally believed that this song was written by The Beatles keeping in mind LSD as inspiration, just like yellow submarine refers to pot. Here it was the song which I always heard after drinking Sprite. And I read the chapter.
And the hallucinations symptoms were same as I experienced after consuming sprite. The LSDified sprite was the cause for my acidic thoughts, my hallucinations, the vibrancy of colors, and every thought coming from my mind at that time. I was being intoxicated by Sprite but who was behind it. I sank back in my bed. I opened the TV and Dabangg was being played. Another one of the things which me and Jahanvi discussed. And the scenne was the cause for dimple kapadia’s death was disclosed. She also suffered from asthama and was put to death by cheddi singh. Bapuji also suffered from asthama attack…………My heart sank low. But these things were so unconnected. May be it was just a bad dream. But may be it as true. I wanted to find the truth. Who could have drugged me?? I was only in contact with Jahanvi, and she can never do that. But if not her than who elso could!?
.....................to be continued
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